楊宗緯 - 洋蔥

Hospital..

is such a scary word.. when we hear...someone close to us is in the hospital...we will go from a laughing mood instantly to a serious questioning mood...and the first question is most of the time..

Why? Why is [fill in name] in the hospital? And the second question would be ''Which hospital?'' But that didn't happen last night...I didn't ask those questions..When my father came home alone around 9 pm.. My parents went together to see our GP (Huisarts/家庭醫生) in the afternoon yesterday..When my father came home alone..I knew there was something not right..Something just didn't feel right..

Normally my mother comes home around 7pm to 8pm..Around that time.. but I didn't worry at first..Cause maybe she was playing mahjong with friends or something.. Who knows..So I waited and waited and waited..Till it was 1am..Now I knew something was wrong..That's what my senses told me from the start..

So I walked to the livingroom..Acting like I was going to get something to snack..And I asked my father : Where is mom? It's already 1am.. He replied while sitting on the couch : Your mom is in the hospital.. And then I replied : Why didn't you tell me? He replied : Why should I tell you? At that moment..I was like..WTF! for a second..but I replied simply with : Actually you didn't have to tell me..I knew there was something wrong..And I walked back to my room..

Last night was hard to sleep..Not that I have problems with sleeping or anything..Only my father and I were home...The house feels empty when people aren't home.. It just doesn't feel right...It feels less warm.. It feels more quiet.. Things that we don't want to feel.. Those things suddenly get to you..All I can do now is hope for the best..

Maybe I should start praying...

ps: remember when I told you.. I wish I could do the same as your grandma..This situation feels like a sign somehow..

Sometimes..

we get what we want.. And sometimes we don't get what we want..Now I just want to go get what I want..Although there might be disappointments..But I'm not letting that slow me down anymore..Many times before I've said.. That I would change this and that..But 2011 is already nearing.. It's about time to reach the next level..Transformation..Evolution..Metamorphosis..You name it..

My friends are pushing me forward..I am pushing myself forward..Because standing still is the same as going backwards..And I thank them for that..I will fight through the hardships on the path..Determined as I am now, will only force me to become better..I used to have it all..Then it all collapsed..Destroyed..Ruined..Now it's time to rebuild...Wait, rebuild is not the right word..I want to build something new..A new version of myself..An ever-improving person..Starting...Now...Clock is ticking..

Coach Carter :

''every second that clock is ticking, we are pedal to the metal''

Rocky VI :

''Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! ''

Changes

in our lives..is what happens to all of us..whether we like it or not..

It just happens..sometimes it goes naturally and sometimes you need to force it..

And that's exactly what I need to do..

Force myself to make changes in my life..

What kind of changes you might ask..

Well that's for people to find out for themselves..

That's if they want to know..

Do

people still come on this blog and check if there's anything new from time to time?

if you do, leave a comment

Song

蕭敬騰 - 原諒我

Time..

is slipping away faster than I thought..It would seem that before I know it.. I will be too old for certain things..I want to thank ''DinB Chan'' for making me realize that next time when I go back.. Things will be totally different..We won't be able to hang and chill the way we used to..That's why I want to see you all as soon as possible again..Before it's too late..Missing you all so much right now..

One

more week to go..
almost leaving HK..

boom

boom boom boom, that's what my heart is saying at the moment..
can't believe it.. after so long.. i still feel the same for her..

when i saw you again..you took my breathe away just by looking..
i didnt know what to say..at all..

all i could was.. stare..

stare..

and i forgot everything around me for the moment..

Are..

you ready for solar?!

sigh.. i smile and yet i feel so tired and depressed..

all i can do is sigh sigh sigh...

everyday the same thing..

doing the same thing..

seeing the same thing..

feeling the same...

i want to release the stress..

walking around everyday with this anger and other negative emotions..

please..go away...

Sitting..

here..at my desk.. thinking about what i've done the last couple of months..and all I can say is.. work..work..work.. and this last week..

I realized something.. that is..how much i actually miss my friends..

last sunday after work..I went into the centre of Amsterdam..

and hung out with a group of friends.. and we were laughing, joking,

catching up and all those things..haha..it made me feel alive again...

it felt so good..

a day later i went into to the city again after my morningshift..

went to a bar to watch Holland vs Slovakia, had a corona during the first half..a friend and I were walking a little dizzy hahaha, result of alcohol plus an empty stomach..

but it was all good.. a little walk in the heat, with some icecream..

and in the end Holland won the match, everyone was cheering..

except my little brother and I..we were sitting there like statues.. XD

we just don't cheer that much.. we are boring...i guess..

one day later.. better said.. today.. my best friend came to hang out..we were watching Japan vs Paraguay.. we were supporting Japan..Why? we were trying to find a reason to support Paraguay..

and we couldnt find any reason..we couldnt anything that Paraguay

contributed to the world.. and Japan.. has.. sushi, anime,manga and such things so that's why~! lame reason but a reason none the less..

the last couple of days were hot~!

very nice weather, lots of sun..a little too much for me if u ask me..

finally i took the step to walk that little path..

and did what i wanted to do..

and now i just have to wait.. and see what happens..

my heart is pounding and nervous..

i am not expecting much out of it..

but if i do, hear something about it.. than.. WOW...

so will i fail? or will i succeed?

ps: maybe i will start vlogging on youtube soon...

Soon..

there will be an update..

an update so big.. it will take a lot of time to put online..

and a lot time to read, corrections and such.. you know the drill...

watch out for it, readers..

Got

so much to write on my blog that it demotivates me to put it up..

This

is the way how you people treat me..

after all this time..you all act like you don't know me at all..

and whenever there is something.. i have to find out myself

none of y'all try to even let me know..y'all act like don't exist anymore

well i don't give a fuck anymore..cause i know who does know me..

i know who still wants to hang out with me..

i know who visits me at work..

i know who i can trust with things..

and so much more..

SO FUCK YOU and HAVE A NICE DAY!

yeah i said it..i said it..

ps#1: being shallow like that.. doesn't help your lives..

it just keeps you on the same level..that's why you keep on failing..

ps#2: today my best friend.. explainen the difference between Knowledge and Wisdom.. and i got totally shocked of the explanation..good one..very good one.. memorable..

ps#3: i think i show concealed anger..because i suppress it a lot... and everywhere..

All..

I feel is pain..at this very moment...

the pain was so excruciating.. that I was biting my own arm/hand..

as I rest it in a bucket of ice cold water...i start to bite into a towel...

the pain is so extreme...why did this have to happen?

is it because of the little wooden door at work that I accidently

hit against S.A.'s head? i still feel so sorry about that..

it was really an accident..=(

the water inside the bucket.. is sooo cold..

it feels like i might get frostbite..

..오늘 헤어졌어요

새하얀 머플러에 얼굴을 묻고
붉어진 눈을 깜빡이며 널 기다렸어
무슨 얘길 하고 픈지 그 말
알 것도 같은데 모르겠어..

내 맘 알 것 같다면 옆에서 같이 울어줘요

언제부터 어디부터 멀어진건지..

참 좋았어 너무 좋아서 더 아프죠..

My..

51th blogpost

and i still got some :

-unspoken words

-unwritten letter

-unexpressed feelings

-untold truth

-unfinished business

*sigh*

Used..

to think that we were close and all that..

but i guess it's all different now..

i though we were growing close to each other

but instead we were growing further and further apart..

and the distance is getting bigger, longer, wider..

day by day..i wonder.. could this be prevented?

even though the distance is getting bigger..

i still like to be close to you..

waiting for you to call out my name..

*sigh*

Especially...

For those who are wondering how i am doing lately..

or those that just pass by my blog..

recently i havent been doing much except work and go home..

But lately my mind has been very clouded..

everyday i think about what i really want out of my life..

leisure, career, sport, and many things

very much like everyone else..

i am already 21.. and 22 is coming soon..

and feel like i haven't achieved anything in my life so far..

Am I really trailing in life in comparison to others?

never ever have I stared at myself..and now i did..

did that today..and all i could see was.. emptiness..

Another day has already gone by..and yet..

nothing has been achieved..now i sit here looking at my monitor..

did I do this all to myself....?

yes.. I did..

I have to wake up.. stand up.. rise up..

Like many inspirational people that walk on this Earth..

otherwise.. i will just sink deeper and deeper..

very much like an eagle without wings...

evolution.. thats what I need now...

Year 2010's first month is almost over..

our days are flying by so fast..

unreal almost..i can still remember the day i turned 18..

Time just keeps on ticking...tic toc tic toc..

what will you do when time is not on your side?

on that question.. i have no answer..do you?

ps: some things are better left unsaid..

sigh..

it's time to write another post...

first of all.. if u can understand cantonese..

watch this video..

Now that you have seen it..

what do you think of it?

if u ask me.. i'd say.. it can be fake...XD

So..

freaking annoying to some people who think they know it all..
it just makes me wanna grab the back of their heads..
and smash it into a t.v. that's displaying a video of the truth..

the harsh truth..

alright...

ENOUGH WITH THE SNOW AND ICE ALREADY!!

first..

week of the year..

i thought it would start out great..
but instead.. it started kinda..bad.. downwards..
time to rebuild~!